SpiderMan: Day One
by Vadakin
Summary: He's got a new job and a new suit to wear to work. Today's the day a scrawny kid from Queens introduces himself to the people of New York and they're going to love him. After all he's just a friendly neighborhood Spider-Man. He's even got a theme song.


New York City. Home of the Statue Of Liberty, the Yankees, the Baxter Building and of course me; your friendly neighborhood Spider-Man. Now I know what you're thinking - what is a Spider-Man? It's a long story. You see I was bitten by a radioactive spider and I got superpowers and I became a wrestler and now I'm a superhero. Huh, not such a long story after all. The truth is, I'm not a superhero. Not yet. Today is my first day on the job. You see my uncle Ben once told me that with great power comes great responsibility. Catchy, right? But I let him down. Big time. He's gone now but I made a promise that I'd use my special powers for good. Sounds corny I know but it really means something.

So what's with the costume? Well like I said, I started out as a wrestler. People like colorful costumes so here I am. Made it myself. The mask keeps my identity secret. Who am I under the mask? Just an awesomely popular guy with lots of friends and the hottest girl in Queens on my arm. Well…I say that…I mean I am a guy…and some people like me…I think…and Gwen…well she's not exactly on my arm but I think she likes me. You know, come to think of it, I did get bullied quite a bit in school. Heck, if it wasn't for Harry I'd have spent senior year stuffed into my locker. But that's all changed. Today is the beginning of a new chapter in the life of Peter Parker…I mean, my name's not Peter Parker, forget I said that. It's Spider-Man…why the hyphen? Would you believe some french guy who climbs buildings owns the "spiderman" name? Who knew. But I bet he doesn't have his own theme song.

Spider-Man, Spider-Man. Does whatever a spider can…uh…it's a work in progress. So what can I do? Well I'm pretty strong. I can climb pretty much anything. I don't shoot webs out of my abdomen…you thought I was going to say something else, right? Weirdos. I do have these nifty little web shooters though. Made them myself. Now I know what you're thinking…again….Peter…I mean Spidey, why not just sell the web shooters and get rich? Great power, remember? I have a duty to use my gifts for the good of all mankind. But since I can't fly around the world like some people, I'll just have to stick to New York. Let's go fight some crime.

OK, so I've done this three times. Jump. Fire a web. Swing. Easy….yeah…sure it is. You know, the view from the Chrysler building is fine. Maybe I'll just stay up here a while and…damn sirens. Alright…here we go.

Step one. Jump off the really tall building. Step two…uh…damn what was step two? Let's see…jump off a really tall building….then…splat. No splat's not good. It's not good at all. Where the hell is Iron Man when you need him? Help…I'm going to hit the ground and be squashed like a…ugh…bad joke web head….wait, that's it. I'll land on my head…no dumbass, the other one. Step one. Jump off a really tall building. Done that. 30 floors ago. Step two. Spin a web. Just the right pressure. Adjacent building….gotcha. Step three. Hold on for dear life and hope the webbing is flexible enough to slow my rate descent and allow me to start swinging. Step four. Swing to the top of the arc…let go. Step five. Another web. And off we go.

Swinging through the city is great. Stretch the right arm. Shoot a web. Swing. Then left arm. Swing. Right again. Maybe a summersault at the top of the arc. Does it help? No but it looks awesome. Can you believe I got a D in gym? If only Coach Romita could see me now. And don't worry kids, the webbing is non toxic. It dissolves in about an hour. It's like thread…really sticky thread….hmm…can he swing from a thread? Take a look overhead. Look out, there goes the Spider-Man. I should write that down when I get home. These songs write themselves. But that's for later. Time for some crime fighting…wait…shouldn't those sirens be getting louder? Dammit Spidey, you're going the wrong way. That's alright, a quick mid air pivot and I'm back on track. That's right people of New York. Your eyes don't deceive you. There's a new hero in town and…hey! Did that guy just flip me off? Focus Spidey. Lights up ahead. Police. Great. Time to swoop in and save the day with style and…great…they caught the guy already. Typical.

Full disclosure…this isn't actually my first day. Yeah I know what the title says but fighting crime isn't easy. New York is a big place. There are crimes happening all over the city but I can't get to them all. Heck, so far I haven't been able to get to one. So yesterday doesn't count. Yesterday was "Spidey goes for a swing" day. Today is the real first day of Spider-Man The Magnificent. First though, I need some food. Crime fighting is hungry work. Don't look at me like that. Just because I didn't reach the criminal before the cops, it doesn't mean I'm not fighting crime…I am…I just haven't actually fought crime yet. But I will. First though, a snack. Let's see. Is that a convenience store down there? Great. Now I know what you're thinking…have I said that before? Never mind. You're thinking that there's no way this suit has pockets. And you'd be right. But my Aunt May always taught me to keep a Twenty in my sock. Just in case.

No deli counter. But they got some pre-packed sandwiches. Let's see…ham and cheese…turkey…ooh, chicken stuffing. Now for some pineapple juice to wash it down…seriously guys, pineapple juice. Try it.

"Is uh…is that everything sir?" Hmm. Guy behind the counter seems a little freaked out. Oh right, the costume.

"It's uh…I'm Spider-Man."

"Good for you. Will there be anything else?" Gotta love this town.

Shake of the head, hand over the cash and I'm ready to find a nice ledge to…duck and roll…bang. Gunshot. Missed me. Hit the pineapple juice. Some people have no respect. A quick look around. Two guys. Both masked. Both packing nine millimeters. The first guy is squeezing the trigger. Jam the barrel. The right amount of pressure on the web shooter and out it squirts…shoots…fires…there's just so many bad jokes I could make here. Second guy is aiming. Nowhere to go but up. I hope this ceiling supports me. He's pointing the gun up at me. Leap down behind, sweep the leg…there's no getting the better of Spidey in this dojo…heh…get it? Sweep the leg…in this dojo…Cobra Kai? Come on people, Karate Kid. Yeesh.

"Hold still you little freak?" Wait…did he just say that to me? I'm not a freak. I'm…a guy in a red and blue costume who sticks to walls…never mind.

"Yeah sure. Why don't I stay very still and let you get a clear shot…" Even as I say the words I'm leaping over the bootleg DVD stand, the mainstay of all convenience stores, and I'm tackling the guy to the ground and flipping back onto my feet.

"And he sticks the landing!" Oh come on that was funny…sure these guys aren't laughing but they're all tied up…OK…sure…it would be better if I made the tied up joke after I actually tied them up but I can't help when inspiration strikes. A flick of the wrists, a stream of web fluid and both criminals are done. Spins a web any size…catches thieves just like flies…Oh yeah! The store clerk looks a little bemused but he'll be fine.

"You're alright now. Call the cops."

"Wh-what are you?"

"I told you. Just your friendly neighborhood Spider-Man." They should put that on a T-shirt.

Now I know what you're thinking…how did I manage to get out of the way of that first shot? Well there's another thing I can do. Call it pre-cognition, call it voodoo magic, call it light from venus reflecting off some swamp gas. Actually, don't call it that. That's just stupid. I call it a spider sense. It's like intuition. It tells me when there's danger nearby. Like right now. My head is ringing. My body is urging me to roll out of the way of…wait…SHOTGUN!

"Hey what gives?" Of course the store clerk has a shot gun.

"Get out of my store you freak."

"I just saved you life." Oh crap. Ducking again. There's a bag of Doritos over my head exploding.

"I said get out!" Some people are just so ungrateful. Here I am saving the day, not to mention bringing much needed commerce to the store…speaking of which…my sandwich….is on the counter. Great.

"Can I at least get my…"

"Out!" Yeesh.

What does a guy have to do? Wear a flag? And now he's firing again. Fine. I'm gone. Cops are coming and I'm already out the door, off to fight some crime where I'll be appreciated. I didn't even get my sandwich.

But it felt good stopping that robbery, even if the clerk was a jerk. That's the job. No reward. No recognition…unless you're a billionaire playboy with a fancy suit of armor…or a renowned scientist with…stretchy powers…really? In what world is being able to stretch a superpower? But I guess the people of New York just need to get used to me. After all this is my first day…shut up…I told you that yesterday didn't count.

"Help! Get away from me! Someone please…"

Did you just hear that? A damsel in distress? Spidey senses…tingling…I should get that checked out…the sound is coming from…below. An alley. Now how do I get down there? Hmm. Quick calculation…angle of trajectory…shoot a web around the side wall, then under the top side of the fire escape and I'm down. Sometimes even I'm impressed. Let's see…pretty girl. Check. Idiot with a knife. Check. Webbing. Che…all out? No matter, change the cartridge and I'm…crap, no time.

"Give me your purse little lady!"

"No! Get away." And she slaps him with her purse.

"Bad move princess." He stabs, I punch. He falls to the ground.

"Princess? Little lady? You know for a hardened thug I think you watch a little too much Disney Channel." I know, I know. I should be hitting the guy, not taunting him. But it's soooo fun. "Do you have little dolls at home? Do you dress them up in little frilly dresses?"

"Shut up freak!" He's up and stabbing me.

He's angry. Unfocused. Seeing the method yet people? Lesson number one. When protecting a damsel in distress while facing a thug with a knife, try to unbalance him. Get under his skin. Make him make a mistake. Like the one he's making right now. Coming at me at speed, waving the knife…now if I use my full strength on this guy, I'll put him in the hospital. So I'll just use his own momentum to take him down. He charges, I quickly move aside and "help" him slam into the wall. And now he's out cold. Now to put the woman at ease and hope she doesn't have a shotgun.

"Are you alright?"

"I'm…that was unbelievable. Who are you?"

"Just your friendly neighborhood Spider-Man." Yes, I'm going to keep using it. Someday it's going to be on T-shirts. Mark my words. "You don't need to be afraid."

"I'm not afraid…what you did was….it was…" Hmm. What will she say? Freakish? Scary? Lucky? "It was amazing….spectacular…" Should I ask if it was ultimate? What?

"Well you're safe now Miss…"

"Watson. Mary Jane Watson. My friends call me MJ. So can you."

"OK…well…MJ…this foul fiend won't bother you again." Foul fiend? Did I just say that? Ugh. Better just change cartridges, web up this guy and get out of here before I start speaking in a Shakespearian accent.

"Thank you Spider-Man."

Wait, what is she…a kiss on the cheek? That's nice. Or at least it would be if I could feel it through this mask. Hand up, web comes out, attaches to the underside of a ledge a few stories up. She can't see it through the mask but I'm giving her the reassuring superhero wink as I pull the web, stretching it, then letting it take me into the air.

More sirens. A car chase. Some foul fiends…seriously I can't believe I said foul fiends….shooting back at the cops. It's after midnight. It's now day two…no, not day three…I already…forget it…it's the next of many to come for the ultimate…no…the spectacular…maybe….the Amazing Spider-Man…you know it just occurred to me that I don't actually know how to get home here. Note to self. Study map of New York.


End file.
